I still can't believe what happened last night.  Why would Billy do that to me?? What did I do to deserve that....no one deserves that! I feel so disgusting, and ugly, and violated all at the same time.  I can't get it out of my head, and now every time I see him or hear his name I will think about it.  I just want to know why???? I have never been so scared....I hated it.  I hated him... I just can't believe it....I'm in shock.  My arm, neck, and sides still hurt....   

The Smokey Joe's Cafe audition today went well, despite what happened last night which is good.  My arm hurt the whole audition, but I smiled through it.  I made it through the singing cut, and then got asked to dance.  It was a very fun dance.  Then they made more cuts, and asked me and about 5 others to come back on Wednesday @ 10 am for some more dancing, and to work with the musical director to learn some songs from the show, so they can hear how I would sound doing it.  Awesome, can't wait! And also, Paul only has 9 cruises left to do, and then he's done.  He is planning on coming to visit in February or March he said, and I'm gonna show him around the city, since he's never been.  It'll be a lot of fun, he's cool. 

Anyway, night all....I hope I sleep better tonight. 

I'm back from North Carolina, and I'm exhausted.  It was a lot of fun though, seeing the reaction on Carmen's face and my mother's, lol.  Anyway, I just finished reading a book written by Kyan Douglas from the show Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.  He wrote a book dedicated to women's beauty and health, because so many women have been asking his advice since the show started.  It was an awesome book, and I can't believe I finished it in 2 days.  Plus I got it autographed by him when I bought it from Barnes and Noble the other day!  Now it's on to my second 2 books, the Backstage Actor's Handbook and Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui.  Should be 2 very helpful and interesting reads.  My audition for Hairspray, the first of about 5 or 6 auditions, went amazingly.  I haven't felt that good about an audition since Chicago back in August, and that went so well, that I got the job.  This job however would be so much bigger than Chicago.  This is on Broadway, and the contract is $1,381, $1,181 more than I made doing Chicago in Hilton Head.  Plus need I remind you that it's on THE BROADWAY!!!! How amazing would that be!! I'd get my Equity card, which would put me in the union.  I'd get all the wonderful union benefits, and make enough money to get a new computer, an ipod, and an apartment in the city!!  However, I can't jinx it.  The audition was amazing and I felt really really good about it, now let's just hope that Bernard Tesley Casting, and the show's directors thought the same.  Moving on.....

My next 2 auditions are on Tuesday, so I'll be preparing for them both all day tomorrow.  One will be easy, and I won't be as nervous, because I've auditioned for them before, and made it all the way to the end.  The only reason I didn't get it before is because he said that I should do other shows before doing this one.  That audition is the second of the two, it's for RENT the National Tour.  Networks is casting it, and I already know that they like me, so the audition should be a breeze.  The first of the two that day is the Royal Caribbean audition.  It would be such an amazing opportunity, because it would mean that I could travel to so many places and meet so many people while dancing on a cruise ship in the Caribbean, and getting paid for it!  So hopefully that dance audition goes really well.  It said a strong background in jazz, which I do have, so we'll see what happens.  On top of all that good stuff, I've found that I have a slight crush on someone, which was very unexpected.  And that person seems to like me too, from what I have gathered.  It's so weird how these things happen when you aren't looking for them to happen.  Paul is a great guy, and I never thought that while I was on a cruise, I would meet someone.  But hey, the universe works in mysterious ways.  We've been talking a lot back and forth through email which has been great, and I finally gave him my cell number the other day, and then he wrote back that he was gonna call soon.  In his last email he also said that the world is telling him to visit NYC.  While on the ship, he told me that he'd never been to NYC, but that he's always wanted to visit there.  So I told him that I love showing people around, and that I'd be glad to show him around if he came to visit.  So he said he'd love to, and that maybe he'd even come up for my graduation in June, which would be so nice.  So in the email he sent yesterday he said that the world is telling him to visit NY.  He met three people, myself included, in the last 2 weeks that extended invitations for him to come visit NY, however mine is the one he wanted to accept.  He said it's like the universe is trying to bring us back together again, lol.  He was saying that first I come home off of the cruise after being told by the cast on the ship, and the cruise directors, including him, that I should audition for Royal Caribbean when they have an audition, and low and behold, I got home and checked Backstage, there was the Royal Caribbean audition on the first page.  Then, we come to find out through our emails that we were both attracted to each other from the moment we met, so we keep talking.  Then he meets these other people on the ship that also tell him to come to NY and visit.  So he told them that he would love to come to NY, but that there was someone he promised to visit, that he really would like to visit.  That someone was me.  Kinda weird that all this has happened, but hey it's really nice.  Anyway, for the time being, I'm not committed to anything, and neither is he, we're just friends, after all he is in the Caribbean and I am here in cold NJ.  But just friends is fine with both of us for now.  Neither of us is looking for anything serious at the moment, plus nothing good would come from us starting anything while we are in two different places.  So until we're together who knows when, lol, I am still single, and loving it!! That's all for now.....nightnight!!

So life is gonna be pretty busy for the next 2 weeks.  It seems like I have something to do every other day, lol.  It all starts tomorrow, and I know I'm gonna be so tired by the end of it all.  Tomorrow is my first day back to work at Express on 51st and Madison Ave. in NYC.  I just got transferred there from the store I worked at in Hilton Head, SC while I was there for the show.  So hopefully everyone at this store is nice.  My manager seems like she's a little spacy, but we'll see what happens tomorrow.  Then Thursday, I have to work again, from 2-7 in the afternoon, so hopefully my first day back goes well, so the second one does too.  Then my slew of auditions begin.  God that's nerve racking! First is Friday's audition, at 2 pm at Ripley-Grier studios in the city.  It's for future dancer replacements for the Broadway cast of HAIRSPRAY, so that should be a fun call, but I know I'll be nervous because it's for "The Broadway".  Then very early Saturday morning, my rents and I are driving down to North Carolina to see my aunt, and because my aunt, my cousin, and I are throwing my mom a surprise bday party as well, so that should be fun.  We come back on Sunday morning, because of course all of us have to work Monday.  Then on Monday or Tuesday, can't remember which, I have the Royal Caribbean Cruise Line audition.  That's gonna be a fun audition, especially since I've seen the kinda of dancing they do, and met the cast, and crew on board the ship already.  That same day, I have another audition, for the tour of RENT.  It's the much awaited audition of the year, for a lot of us actors and actresses.  Hopefully I make to the end again, and then actually have them call me, lol.  It would be so much fun to do that show.  Sometime next week I'll be working at Express again, but I'm not sure when yet because she's hasn't made the schedule.  I'll probably know tomorrow or Thursday.  I mailed out some my headshot and resume today to a theatre in Virginia that asked for them to be sent to them.  They are doing the show CABARET.  Awesome show!! So the casting director asked for headshots and resumes to sent to them of those interested in being able to audition.  The audition is the 29th, so they will give you an appointment by email or calling you if they think you would be right for the show after seeing you headshot and reading your resume.  So hopefully, I'll get a call for that.  I'd love to audition for them.  Finally, my last audition this month is for SMOKEY JOE'S CAFE.  A very fun show with more singing in it than dancing.  It's more like a musical revue for those of you who haven't seen it.  Anyway, that's at 9 am on the 29th, so hopefully that goes well.  Actually I just hope one of all of them goes well, that way if I get them all, or more than one, I have a choice.  That would be amazing if that happened.  But only time will tell....we shall see what happens.  That's all for now...I'm hungry, so I'm gonna go eat something and then practice some songs for my auditions. 

Au revoir mes amis!

OMG!!!! My cruise was soooooo amazing!!!!! The weather was beautiful, the ship was beautiful, everything was beautiful....even some of the guys, lol.  Anyway, the first stop was St. Thomas.  This is the place to shop if you are going to do so.  The weather was a nice, sunny, 90 degrees with not a cloud in sight.  We got off the ship and went to shop, of course, lol.  My mom and I both bought some new jewelry, because it's duty free and tax free, so it won't cost us an arm and a leg like it does here.  So I got a new white gold opal and diamond ring, and my mom got a white gold, onyx diamond ring.  They are really pretty, hehe.  After that we took a ride on the sky ride, that took us about 1300 feet in the air above the island.  It was awesome!! You could see everything from up there, and we got some awesome pictures.  Plus they gave you a free drink coupon, so that when you got to the top, you could go to the bar, that was at the top of the ride (1300 feet up), and get an awesome island drink.  So we got a Bailey's Bushwacker, lol.  The drink is better than the name, trust me, lol.  It was bailey's, kaluha, amaretto, creme de cocoa, rum, whip cream, cinnamon, nutmeg, and it was frozen. Omg, it was so good! So that night, back on the ship, we went to Karaoke, where I decided to brave the crowd and sing Unforgettable.  I got an amazing response, the crowd loved it, and from that night, I was known to some people as Natalie Cole, lol.  After that, we went to the night club, Vortex, and danced the night away, at the 70s disco partay! The male cruise directors put together their very own version of the Village People, which was hysterical.  That's where I met Paul, one of the cruise directors.  He was the sailor.  I actually met him at Karaoke, and then we danced at the disco partay, lol.  He's really sweet, and really funny, lol.  He's a very cute, Canadian.  Anyway, our second stop was St. Martaan.  I didn't get to get off the ship, because my mom wasn't feeling well, and I didn't want to go without her, but that's okay, I went to the pool onboard, had a few drinks, called the Cocoloco, hehe (I think I had like 3, and they were huge, but delicious), hopped in the hot tub for a while, and then sat and talked with Paul after he finished teaching some dances poolside.  Sooo much fun!! That evening we went to dinner on board the ship, which was amazing, and then we went to the Caribbean Fiesta poolside.  Lots of fun to be had there, lol.  We danced the night away to some fun live caribbean music from the band Hott Sands, ate some good food, and had amazing drinks, hehe.  I had a pina colada, in a cup made out of an actual pineapple.  The next day, we were in Antigua, and we decided to go to the beach, because it was a sunny, 88 degree day, with no clouds.  The beach was gorgeous!! The water was a clear blue-ish green color, and it was soooo warm.  The sand was a beautiful white color, and very clean, not like here, lol.  Anyway, we were on the beach for about 3-4 hours, and then we were given lunch by the restaurant on the beach, yummy island food, plus their specialty drink, the rum punch.  I'm definitely going to have to make that here one day, let me know if you want to dry it, lol! We left the beach, and that night back on the ship we went to the spa, and had amazing massages.  My mom had a Ultimate Face and Body, and I had an Aromaspa Ocean Wrap.  Then we had our 50s and 60s Rock and Roll dance party, got in the pool, had some drinks, lol, and ate some good food.  We also went to see the show on board, called Stage and Screen.  It was awesome!! The next day, we went to St. Lucia, which was so beautiful.  We went to a rainforest, where we hiked 1000s of feet up a mountain, and then stopped at a sulfuric waterfall created by the volcano, and a mineral spring, both of which we were allowed to get in and swim!! It was soooo awesome! Both of those are very good for your skin, your hair, your nails, and your health, so it was like going to spa for free, hehe.  That night was formal night again on the ship, we took lots of pictures, and we had lobster and shrimp for dinner, hehe.  Then we went to the casino, and gambled a little, and I took some pictures with Paul and my mom.  After that we went to watch The Quest, an adult scavenger hunt, which was the funniest thing I have ever witnessed in my entire life, lol.  You wouldn't believe the things people were doing, lol.  Just picture in your head, men running around in women's shoes, wearing women's bras, and lipstick, dancing for the camera, lol!!!! Anyway, now that that picture is stuck in your head, after that I sang at karaoke again, because Paul and Katie, asked me to.  I sang L-O-V-E, by Nat "King" Cole, lol.  I got a standing ovation this time, which was awesome!!! I had so much fun, and after that Paul asked if I wanted to come dance the night away at 80s night in the club.  So we went and danced, and had a grand old time, dancing to all the cheesy 80s music we all love so much.  The next day was in Barbados!!! Ugh, I don't have the words.  It was 90 degrees, and sunny with a few clouds.  We went to the beach, and got in the clear blue ocean, laid on the beach and sun bathed, and then went parasailing!!! SO COOL!!! 800 feet above the ocean, looking out at everything!!! We even had the largest cruise ship in the world on the ocean, the Queen Mary 2, and the original Love Boat, parked right near our ship, which we could see all the way from where we were parasailing.  Barbados in the home to Malibu Rum, so we went to the Malibu beach and Rum Distillery.  Omg, awesome!!! I had like 4 malibu rum drinks while layin on the beach! That night, we went back to the boat, and ate lots, had some more drinks, and gambled in the casino again, lol.  The next day we were at sea all day, so we went and laid by the pool, and drank the mango tango, our drink of the day, lol.  Each day had a drink of the day, like the Bahama Mama, the Mango Tango, the Pina Colada, the Long Island Iced Tea, the Cocoloco, Guiness Beer, and the Margarita.  I had a drink everyday on board, lol, sometimes 2 or 3, or 4, lol.  That night I sang From This Moment On, Shania Twain ( Paul, the Canadian asked me to sing that one) at the Karaoke Idol Championship, and got another amazing response!!! I was the queen of Karaoke, this kid Jason, who had a recording contract in Chicago, was prince of Karaoke, and David, an R&B singer from Chicago was king of Karaoke.  So it was awesome, and we all celebrated with a drink, and then I spent some time with Paul before heading up to my room with my mom.  (Paul and I are keeping in touch, and I think he might be coming here for my graduation)  He's a cool guy, and I think we'll be friends for a while.  Anyway, yesterday was the final day of the cruise in San Juan, Puerto Rico!! We shopped, ate, and took pictures in Old San Juan.  We also visited a Fort, there too.  It was really cool, right on the beach with waves crashing against the rocks, and a beautiful cemetary next to it.  We got rained on for about 10 minutes, and it looked like a monsoon, but that's okay, I just changed into my jeans late anyway.  We got home to Jersey at about 10 pm, and went to Applebee's with Mark.  I ordered a drink just to keep the weekend going, lol, and then we came home around midnight.  I can't wait to do it all again.  I love cruises!!!! And on top of all that, I might get a job dancing on the cruise ship for a few months, the audition is in a week or so.  It pays really well, I get benefits, no ship duties, guest benefits, so people can come on the ship to visit me for only 20 dollars a day (that's right, 20 dollars a day only), plus, I'm in the CARIBBEAN!!!!!

Anywho, I missed everyone while I was gone.  Now it's time to go back to work at Express in Manhattan, and back to auditioning.  Next weekend however, is my mom's bday, and my aunt, cousin, and I are throwing her a surprise bday party at my aunt's house in North Carolina, so that will be very cool.  That's all I have for now, call me if you want to do anything.  Later!